Just Be

Ah. Another birthday.  Another reflection. Another spurring for something more, something greater, something deeper that registers who I am and where I'm going. Oh, that we might grow, might change, might become something different for humans' sake.  Stagnancy begets apathy, generating unproductive contentedness. Being stagnant is death.  Moments still tick, but days fly with no accounting of life.  Make moments count. Count your moments . They establish days, numbers in time that stand firm, solidifying existence and personality and character.  I don't want to be sixty and still struggle with insecurities.  I want my securities to be met, head on, with grace.  Challenged and combated.  Let them die with humbleness when I'm still 40.  I don't want my judgments clouding my hope of people.  Let judgments fall away, leaving only wonder and intrigue.  I especially don't want my scaredy cat self dictating my movement, now or in 20 y...

I once shopped at a local grocery store called Cub Foods.   You are required to pack your own groceries there, which I’ve always hated and because the counters are so high, it’s very hard for me to do.   Regardless, we still need to eat so I venture to Cub with my three year old in tow.   I stuff my cart of groceries, grudge to the checkouts, and wait to be scanned.    By this point, I’m tired, sweaty, and so glad to be almost done.   My daughter, with that ever loving loud and energetic mouth of hers, begins inviting everyone in the checkout line to our house for dinner.   Uhg.   Inside, I’m saying “zip it, kid” but outward, I’m smiling like she’s adorable and don’t we all just love her.   Grocery shopping was never a fun event in my week, but I could do it and it was a conquering every time I did.    I whip my groceries on the belt knowing in a couple seconds, I’ll be whipping them in bags and BACK into my cart.   ...

Immeasurably more...  Ephesians 3:20 “ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” “Ask” or “imagine”.   Ask implies we’ve thought about and voiced a want/need.   Imagine implies dreaming.   Asking will certainly get off my chest an issue or anxiety and I ask so as not to worry.   Oh, but what I really like is the dreaming.   What if?   What if the sky was purple?   What if we got to live in a castle with British accented housekeepers?   What if every home owned a drone?   That was for Maxwell.   What if Korean was a language option in High School?   That was for SunYoung.   What if, every day, houses stayed magically clean and all children used “yes ma’am” and “yes sir”?   Dreamy, take me away goodness.    Our problem is reality slamming in the now that we can’t allow our finite minds to relax past our hurling...

Instead of last year, it has now been three years but as I reflect and take stock of my love of life, I'm forever reminded of this foundational fact: I will always be more when I am less. Red Pencil I have this red pencil in my makeup bag.   It was left there from a stint I did in the hospital last year.   I look at it and think: sadness, hopelessness, dependency…. Sounds depressing.   And it is.   Why keep it?   Have you ever been on the side of want?   Wanting so badly, you ache?   Have you ever had to bring yourself to “humble” with the act of asking?   Stripped of the little control you’re pretty sure you had?   Cried b/c you’re so desperate, it’s humiliating?   This is why I keep it.   To remind me of my want.    Ultimately, my surrender….. Remind me of the place my now should hold.    So, a little bit of background….   Had back surgery.   Have been in bed for 5 days… lots of pain a...

Give Praise…. For Whatever   So, I volunteered at a mission in Apple Valley called Jubilee.   The community churches come together to serve God’s people by providing practical needs.   I was volunteering in the balloon tent where we made animal shapes for the kids who are forever waiting in line.   Before anything started, a man – mid-60’s, kind eyes, bold posture – and a woman – young, blonde, pretty, gentle – came walking up to me.   By the way, any physical description is a bonus because when I saw them, all I really noticed were their yellow t-shirts that read “Jesus Heals”.   As our eyes met, my throat dried up and my smile waned as I’ve been down this path before.   I knew what was coming.   The man beelines it to me and says, brashly, with a hint of a smile “What’s wrong with you?”…. I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend and really didn’t want to acknowledge him.   He stands, arms crossed, waiting for my response. ...