Just Be

Under the Waves Lately I've been finding my equilibrium only in my quest to know who Christ is.   Not just reading about Him but reading and then asking questions.   Not just gathering information but gathering information and investigating what it's saying or describing or bearing witness to. Not just studying but studying and then sitting back to absorb the blaring reality.   I'm off kilter when I'm tunnel focused on getting through or grasping desperately for a bit of truth I can immediately apply. I'm scrambling and struggling to find my footing and form something solid to steady my floundering mind. Enough of this. I want to be stable. I want to be steady. Be still. Rest. Crave the knowing. Fixed seeking. These things fasten my thoughts and halt the reeling. These things give grounding for choosing calm, ensuing triumph in the middle of chaos. Questions don't need to override answers. Fear doesn't need to display a jagged response. Calm. Grounded.

Maxwell challenged me to pick an emotion and an event and just write. I did. This is also something many mommas ask me about - raising children from the confines of a wheelchair. I have the honor to do a bit of mentoring to new injuries in the Twin Cities area, mostly to moms. Moms that find themselves in a strange position going back to a busy life wondering "how". How will this look? How is it possible? I find such blessing in encouraging them in the real, meaningful, albeit extremely foreign contrast to their former lives. Here is my story... Grace Filled Gaps Discovering we were going to have a baby was an unreal joy. Shocked, with a side of smile, is a better description. We were thrilled but had whispered thoughts and hard stares at each other, "What did we do?" My nine months with Cori growing inside of me were fairly uneventful. I was sick the first three months. The second three months, I had nesting energy, nervous anticipation, and water retenti

Note to Self Considering. I spend way too much time considering. Considering the unfairness of life. Considering the influence I could have if I just did. Considering the vulnerability of letting my fears go. Considering all of the crazy things that can go wrong with my body. Considering my life is more than half over. Considering whether or not I completely messed up my innocent kids. These are my big "considerings". I'm not including what I'm making for dinner, or what I should add to my winter wardrobe, or how the furniture should be arranged. I still consider but these things are trivial to me. I don't have space in my brain to even hesitate over these things. I drive myself crazy thinking, thinking, thinking. Stinking thinking. Where can considering get me? A careful, thought out plan of execution? Maybe. Crazy town? More likely. I can only control so much. My considering morphs into worry - almost every single time. What then? Anxiousness. Anxio